Once upon a time, there was a girl who was born in this world, but was not from this world. She didn’t belong here; she was from the stars. So, while she was little, she lived in her own magical world very happily as nobody noticed that she was different. She was special, of course, but all children are special in their own way, and everybody said: “Oh! She’s so creative! So imaginative! She’s so sensitive! She’s so curious!” And nobody worried much about her; thus, she was free to be herself.
Her parents thought she was an ordinary child, and raised her as such. When she was six, she started primary school and noticed the other children were not like her: they didn't worry about their mission in life as she did; they couldn’t "see" other people's feelings and emotions; they didn’t wonder why the world was so nonsensical, or maybe they didn't even think about that... so, she felt frustrated and realized she had to adapt if she wanted to be accepted and loved. And of course, she adapted! Oh, yes, she did! She tried so hard! She learnt so fast and behaved so well, and disguised herself so much. She kept to herself all the magic and the beauty, locked them very very deep within herself, and showed everyone what they wanted, and everyone was very pleased with her, indeed. Then, she thought she was loved. But there was always a void, a strange sadness in her heart… she didn’t know why.
She kept saying to herself that she had to be normal, that she was wrong, that there was something wrong with her, and slowly, very slowly, she started hating herself for being different. It was so exhausting to put up the “normal” image! It was so exhausting to please everybody and get love! The world seemed so empty, so shallow, so foreign that there was a time when she wanted to leave it because she knows that death is not an end. But she had fire in her heart, and that fire kept her alive.
In time, the little girl grew a teenager, always striving to belong, to fit in, and for a while, she succeeded. Oh, yes! She thought she succeeded. She always got the best grades, always did the right thing, always performed above expectations, always kept all her deepest dreams/feelings/visions/thoughts to herself so that everybody around her wouldn't have to worry about her weirdness and would be happy. This is how she became comfortably numb for 9 years.
Only when she met a friend, who would eventually become her boyfriend, there was a crack in the wall. It was no use pretending, because he could see beyond the facade, he could see through her. It was so scary and relieving at the same time... It was like meeting someone from HOME. At last!
However, so many years of training and adaptation had left a mark. Eventually, she felt it was time to face the challenge, break some people’s expectations and start living by her rules. She could no longer hold that fake image for the world, so she invited him to go with her, to discover together who they truly were and live according to that. However, he decided it was too much for him, and wanted to go back to normal. Normal was safe, wasn’t it?
So, she had to accept his choice and move on by herself. Later she found some others more or less like her on her way, and most of them rejected her after some time (apparently, normal was safe for them, too.)
That little girl knows who she is now, yet she still carries around some old defensive structures she created after being frown upon and rejected so many times. But she also knows that she has chosen to be here on this Earth for a reason, and breaking free of these structures and sharing her true self with others is part of her journey back Home.
Her parents thought she was an ordinary child, and raised her as such. When she was six, she started primary school and noticed the other children were not like her: they didn't worry about their mission in life as she did; they couldn’t "see" other people's feelings and emotions; they didn’t wonder why the world was so nonsensical, or maybe they didn't even think about that... so, she felt frustrated and realized she had to adapt if she wanted to be accepted and loved. And of course, she adapted! Oh, yes, she did! She tried so hard! She learnt so fast and behaved so well, and disguised herself so much. She kept to herself all the magic and the beauty, locked them very very deep within herself, and showed everyone what they wanted, and everyone was very pleased with her, indeed. Then, she thought she was loved. But there was always a void, a strange sadness in her heart… she didn’t know why.
She kept saying to herself that she had to be normal, that she was wrong, that there was something wrong with her, and slowly, very slowly, she started hating herself for being different. It was so exhausting to put up the “normal” image! It was so exhausting to please everybody and get love! The world seemed so empty, so shallow, so foreign that there was a time when she wanted to leave it because she knows that death is not an end. But she had fire in her heart, and that fire kept her alive.
In time, the little girl grew a teenager, always striving to belong, to fit in, and for a while, she succeeded. Oh, yes! She thought she succeeded. She always got the best grades, always did the right thing, always performed above expectations, always kept all her deepest dreams/feelings/visions/thoughts to herself so that everybody around her wouldn't have to worry about her weirdness and would be happy. This is how she became comfortably numb for 9 years.
Only when she met a friend, who would eventually become her boyfriend, there was a crack in the wall. It was no use pretending, because he could see beyond the facade, he could see through her. It was so scary and relieving at the same time... It was like meeting someone from HOME. At last!
However, so many years of training and adaptation had left a mark. Eventually, she felt it was time to face the challenge, break some people’s expectations and start living by her rules. She could no longer hold that fake image for the world, so she invited him to go with her, to discover together who they truly were and live according to that. However, he decided it was too much for him, and wanted to go back to normal. Normal was safe, wasn’t it?
So, she had to accept his choice and move on by herself. Later she found some others more or less like her on her way, and most of them rejected her after some time (apparently, normal was safe for them, too.)
That little girl knows who she is now, yet she still carries around some old defensive structures she created after being frown upon and rejected so many times. But she also knows that she has chosen to be here on this Earth for a reason, and breaking free of these structures and sharing her true self with others is part of her journey back Home.
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